The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that in 30% of our families there is an alcoholic - this figure is frightening. At the same time, the abuse of alcohol by the husband has a detrimental effect on the whole family, and a large number of these families are already becoming a social problem. Families in which the man drinks are more likely to become socially weak, and children in such families suffer. Let's try to understand why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reasons why the husband starts drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between daily drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, by drinking for pleasure, the drinker has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why the husband starts drinking are as follows:
- Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in company, for mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's or a cocktail or two at a bar on the weekend - there seems to be nothing wrong with that.
- traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on holidays, if something important happens, the first thing to do is to get drunk, and people in the company are distrustful of a person who does not drink.
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol, in this way they overcome their shyness.
- stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not accepted to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes on the man the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the onset and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol occasionally, for example on holidays. Sometimes they overdo it. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of such men. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it's time to take action.
Regular use
If a person drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important what drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use lead to severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "I don't know how to drink". Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases and a person can drink more. This is how symptoms of withdrawal or a hangover appear - feeling sick the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholismtolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong desire for alcohol and a desire for a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The hangover habit becomes something of a transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The emergence of overeating
Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol for several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a special cycle of drinking: every morning he feels bad, gets a hangover, then he drinks during the day and gets very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats. With long-term use of alcohol, mental disorders appear, for example alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness accompanied by strong excitement, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Regular drinking leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but which addiction specialists are well aware of. Such changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakness of will, inability to resist appetite;
- Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for one's actions;
- Lying to loved ones and self-deception.
Over time, an alcoholic man becomes something like an adult child: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, it is not possible to rely on him - after all, he can get drunk at any moment, forget about agreements, spend money or even show aggression towards loved ones : In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and feels strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or disappointment, which again prompts him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say of them, "he's so good when he's sober, but when he's drinking, he's a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually the relatives of the drinking man hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it is difficult to do so. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. When he is drunk, he can commit various offenses or injure himself. A person who regularly drinks gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, those around him began to avoid him and his entire social circle was limited to fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.
Mistakes wives often make with a drinking husband
Psychologists call the wives of drinking husbands "codependents". This term means relatives of the addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that even against their will contributes to the development of alcoholismHere are the main mistakes that alcoholic wives make:
- Accusations. Of course, the behavior of a drunken man and its consequences do not please their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they argue, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only perpetuate the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- He tries to hide the problem from others. Quite often, the wife covers her husband in front of relatives, invents excuses for her superiors and solves all problems herself. Or insists on drinking at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Maintaining the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover" from a hangover, gives him money to drink, seeks him out among his alcoholic friends and brings him home. Sometimes she drinks withhim - from the idea that this way he will drink less.
- Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they never come true.
- Ignoring the problem: since the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.
Often in co-dependent families, a situation can be observed in which the wife seems to be fighting her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all her attempts have no effect: the husband only drinks more and more, and it is more difficult for the wife. But she is getting a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are familiar with the situation. Compared to her husband, to those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr, people sympathize and sympathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband is a drinker, the worst solution is to put up with the problem, "bear your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and walk away. Also, a drunkard husband often carriesmore family problems than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. All relatives of an alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to remove alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Remember, there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provocations, let there never be alcohol in your house again.
- Most likely, the husband will not recognize the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last moment. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, the drinker wants to quit, but then his resolve weakens - until next time. Narcologists can help - clean the blood of toxins, relieve a severe physical condition, improve your well-being with the help of drugs. A psychotherapist should then work with the addict, as psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
- It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't have to become your husband's psychologist. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
- Change your environment. Any alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their quagmire should be cut out of your life.
- Don't take it all on yourself. Do not give money to your husband, do not hide his problems from your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
- Don't shame the person and don't feel sorry for him. If you see him trying to get away, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be adamant if he reaches for the bottle again.
Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family alone. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treatment of alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into drug and psychotherapeutic.
With the help of drugs, doctors can:
- Hangover relief;
- Improving well-being, supporting the functioning of internal organs;
- Cleansing the blood of toxic substances - products of the breakdown of alcohol;
- Reducing the desire to consume alcohol - the so-called replacement therapy.
Psychotherapeutic methods help to reduce psychological dependence. They include:
- Encoding: the doctor instructs the addict not to drink or something bad will happen to him. Before that, the drug coding method was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the blood, released poison, leading to the death of the patient.
- Classical hypnosis: the psychotherapist instructs not to drink or desire alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but is a little gentler, as it does not involve an immediate threat to health or life if used.
- NLP or neuro-linguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's channels of perception - auditory, visual and tactile - to strengthen the desired reactions in him and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): the psychotherapist deeply analyzes the psychological problems of the addict and indicates ways to solve them, helps to learn new ways of behavior.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal medicines that cause a strong reaction in the body when used together with alcohol. For example, the toadstool, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With long-term use, the active substances of the mushroom accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, providing a characteristic reaction with each intake of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to treat alcoholics from addiction.
To alleviate the painful state of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slanders about water "so that the husband does not drink" are also used, prayers, reprimands against drunkenness - these methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some wives, seeing that their husband will not stop drinking alcohol, try to wean him from the bad habit themselves without his knowledge. For example, they add some drugs to food and drinks. This is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend this.
To stop drinking, the addict must ask for it himself, realizing that alcoholism destroys his health, relationships and life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives never to stop drinking.
However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and which are up to her alone. She needs to realize her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys lives and families. To change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a drug addict?
There are several tell-tale signs that it is safe to say that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. They include:
- Frequent, regular use with painful hangovers;
- Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a person starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact that he drinks from his wife);
- Multi-day binges from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. The relatives of the alcoholic must send him to treatment, otherwise his addiction will quickly develop with the most serious consequences, even death. It is not necessary to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to immediately consult a doctor.